Tha Return

Okay, fuckers. You've dropped 3 straight, and have turned our fantastic 5-1 start into a goddamn mockery - just like a presidential election. Every fuckin player on the team is dead or should be. Saint Reggie still leads the league at RB and the lazy bastard has missed the last 3 weeks. The Hall brothers, Kolby Smith and Maroney - all on IR. Larry Johnson - finally gonna serve that suspension this week after just hanging out the last 3 weeks with his thumb up his ass. I go through running backs like Denver, except than none of mine are any good.

Therefore, like 54% of all Americans apparently, I am getting desperate and am about to do something rash. No, I'm not going to have a half-million man march in Chicago (look, you can't even see the holes in his hands or nothing!), but I am going to get all nostalgic for a better time and revert back to something that made me happy (rosebud). The greatest team in the history of the WWST (at least in my mind, even though they probably blew) - SUPERCOCK.COM. That's right - just like the Rams, all you motherfuckers are playing for your jobs again. I've spent so much on add/drops this year, my payroll looks like the Yankees.' So it's time for you coat-tail riding bastards to put up or shut up. Jamaal Charles - you Texas piece of shit. Better start runnin. I'm sendin' in a couple of hard pipe-hittin Eagles to break fuckin' Brandon Jacobs' legs on first play of Sunday night's game so the world can worship Derrick Ward's dominance the rest of the year. I took a flyer on absolutely nobody - Derek "Dice's Dick" Stanley just cuz I fuckin' felt like it. And why? DESPERATION!

Fuckin chum in the water, that's me. If only I could miracle a win this week (yeah that'll happen when a black man becomes pres... um, nevermind), I could maybe get my shit back together with the possible return of Reggie and cousin Larry next week. Chances? One in a million, Lloyd. So you're sayin' there's a chance...

WWST Game of the Week: The All Mighty Woodson is Back... (5-4) vs. Violent Jay Neck Cutlers (7-2)

This game will determine if Rob's going to sleepwalk into the division title or if he's going to face a serious challenge. This is the first of two matchups within the next 3 weeks between these two teams, and just suppose Mike wins and Chosen miracles a win - that would leave those 3 teams within a game of each other and Rob would have to face each of them the following two weeks. Tough sledding for the team that looked to be the runaway winner this year. But if Rob wins, he puts a serious damper on Mike's hopes of winning the division, dropping him to 3 games back with 3 to go. Don't look now, but fuckin' Mike has ripped off two straight and is looking to make a serious move to not only get into the playoffs, but also to try and win the division outright... Make no mistake, this is not only the Game of the Week, it's the Game of the Year, and for Mike, it might mean his whole season... Commish's pick - Mike's got the misfortune of having most of his team off this week, and what's worse, he has to start his stud RB against his D (unless he add/drops this week or makes a trade). Rob loses Pittman for the year, but just in time for Fast Willie to return to the lineup. Too much Rob in this one I'm afraid. Cutlers 168, Woodson 129.

All Ahead Full... And Punt!

I have this sinking feeling that my FF season will soon be over. It might have been about the time last week that I picked up both Patrick Cobbs, Michael Bush and Kolby Smith off the who-gives-a-fuck wires in the hopes that one of those bastards might be starting last week. End result? Two points combined. For all 3. Fuckin-A! When you're going against the league's #1 team, that just doesn't get the job done.

How can the guy who drafted 4 RB in the first 4 rounds this year not have anyone to start at RB? Well, #1 pick Marshawn Lynch is still plugging away at his 15 points a game like a true champ, but he's hauling a heavy load on his coattails. Round 2 selection Mr. Kim Kardashian is currently on his 17th knee surgery, and I'm just waiting to hear about his staph infection. Selection 3 was Pimp Slap Larry Johnson who's too busy beating down and spitting on bitches to play football, and 4th round selection Laurence Maroney is on the IR. Fan-fucking-tastic. So who is getting a steady dose of Kolby Swiss n Chedda this week?

That would be Bess. Looks like I'm gonna have to try and Pimp Slap her Larry Johnson style with my limp dick of a team. Unlike Larry, I'm going to at least take her out for dinner on Saturday night first...

Playoffs???

Let's take a quick look at the current playoff picture. Barring nuclear holocaust (breathe deeply in the shower, Joel), it looks like Cock-a-roach Rob will survive to take the #1 spot. Chad and Bryan look to be duking it out for 2nd and 3rd seeds. I'm next at 5-3, but I'm looking at an impressive 7 game skid to finish out 5-8 and miss the playoffs by a mile. Mike and Tom would be next in line then at 4-4 to dance into 4th and 5th, and that leaves just one of you four 3-5 douches to claim the last playoff spot. Hmmm, maybe I can sneak into that sixth playoff spot after all if I can just go 3-2 these last 3 weeks. Might be able to do it - combined record of everyone else I have to play not named Rob is 11-21 this year. Who am I kidding? Capn' EJ Smith, out...