All Ahead Full... And Punt!

I have this sinking feeling that my FF season will soon be over. It might have been about the time last week that I picked up both Patrick Cobbs, Michael Bush and Kolby Smith off the who-gives-a-fuck wires in the hopes that one of those bastards might be starting last week. End result? Two points combined. For all 3. Fuckin-A! When you're going against the league's #1 team, that just doesn't get the job done.

How can the guy who drafted 4 RB in the first 4 rounds this year not have anyone to start at RB? Well, #1 pick Marshawn Lynch is still plugging away at his 15 points a game like a true champ, but he's hauling a heavy load on his coattails. Round 2 selection Mr. Kim Kardashian is currently on his 17th knee surgery, and I'm just waiting to hear about his staph infection. Selection 3 was Pimp Slap Larry Johnson who's too busy beating down and spitting on bitches to play football, and 4th round selection Laurence Maroney is on the IR. Fan-fucking-tastic. So who is getting a steady dose of Kolby Swiss n Chedda this week?

That would be Bess. Looks like I'm gonna have to try and Pimp Slap her Larry Johnson style with my limp dick of a team. Unlike Larry, I'm going to at least take her out for dinner on Saturday night first...

Playoffs???

Let's take a quick look at the current playoff picture. Barring nuclear holocaust (breathe deeply in the shower, Joel), it looks like Cock-a-roach Rob will survive to take the #1 spot. Chad and Bryan look to be duking it out for 2nd and 3rd seeds. I'm next at 5-3, but I'm looking at an impressive 7 game skid to finish out 5-8 and miss the playoffs by a mile. Mike and Tom would be next in line then at 4-4 to dance into 4th and 5th, and that leaves just one of you four 3-5 douches to claim the last playoff spot. Hmmm, maybe I can sneak into that sixth playoff spot after all if I can just go 3-2 these last 3 weeks. Might be able to do it - combined record of everyone else I have to play not named Rob is 11-21 this year. Who am I kidding? Capn' EJ Smith, out...